well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you didnt know i had herpes?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize