Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize