ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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