Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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