I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
FUCK WHALES
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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