Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
