oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize