she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
