how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
