he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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