Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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