cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
