I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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