I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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