So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
