ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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