he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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