so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
