Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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