Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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