The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize