I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
