What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
