we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
