Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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