Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
