i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
