just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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