Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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