just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
