After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
