i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize