every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
