So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
