I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
