Cold hands, warm shart.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Alive.
So much puke
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
