you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
