you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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