my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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