Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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