Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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