can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
