Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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