i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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