So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
