Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize