Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize