she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize