hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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