alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
