Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
