meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just blew my weed a kiss
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
