see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize