It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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