I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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