I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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