i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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