I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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