omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
