i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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