Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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