we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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