he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
