There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
