I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
