Got a toothbrush?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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