I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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