I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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