he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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