remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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